Oh, Pregnancy You.

For a lot of woman pregnancy is a wonderful, joyous experience. No period for 9 months, you have an excuse to eat anything you want, and you experience no icky symptoms whatsoever... lucky you. For me pregnancy means misery, depression, and pure exhaustion. I’ll explain why in just a little bit. So my first pregnancy was when I wake 20 years old, totally unexpected, and scary but I can’t say that I was really that upset because ever since I was three years old I’ve loved babies and always knew no matter what that I’d be a great mom. Anyways the 6 week mark came (I found out very early on I was pregnant, about 3-4 weeks) so 6 weeks arrived and the throwing up started, 24 hours 7 days a week of throwing up. Every bite of food came back up, every sip of water, vomiting pure stomach vile because my body was so empty. This is called “ Hyperemesis Gravidarum” or severe morning sickness as they call it... but more like torture. HG can last for weeks, months, or even your whole entire pregnancy. Luckily for me with my first pregnancy I started to feel better around 20 weeks and with my second pregnancy around 16 weeks. I can only speak for myself but I’m sure that anybody whose gone or is going through HG can relate. You are no longer yourself. You smell like throw up, you’re beyond weak, you haven’t showered in weeks, your hair is like a birds nest, and you’ve reached the lowest depression you never even knew possible. The thought goes through your mind “should I just get an abortion so that I don’t have to be in pain any longer?”, I am someone who would never in my life get an abortion, for myself personally I don’t believe in abortion, but wether you believe in it or not the thought is going to come across your mind because you’re just so freaking miserable. You start to lose more and more weight and become so weak you can barely move. You’ve now become an awful partner, if you have other kids you’ve become a horrible mother too, you most likely lose your job, and there is nothing you can do about it. You literally can‘t move even if your life depended on it. Nothing helps either... the doctors prescribed you this pill and that pill, try crackers, try ginger ale... honestly F U... none of this works. People start to think you’re making it up. “You must be exaggerating, my pregnancy was amazing”, “I had morning sickness too, I threw up like twice a day”, “You should be happy you’re losing weight and not gaining it”... once again F U. I rather gain 100 pounds during pregnancy than feel like I am dying every single day. I have this beautiful power to create human beings and it really sucks having to be scared to do that because you’re so scared to get HG again. Well about 2 years later I decided my baby girl needed a lifelong friend. So we tried for another, this time praying so so much not to get HG again. “Please God I cannot do it again”. Luckily we got pregnant on our very first attempt, I was so so happy seeing those two lines, but also so so scared because... “would I get HG again?” The answer was yes, yes I would. It was like freaking clockwork.. 6 weeks came and so did the misery but this time it was even harder because I had a two year old to take care of. As I said earlier you become a horrible mother, well that’s exactly what I did. Even on days I tried my hardest I still couldn’t get out of bed and unless you’re someone whose suffered from HG, you truly cannot understand the feeling. Thank God for my mother and my partner who did all the work of taking care of my daughter and thank god for my amazing baby girl who was so understanding throughout my whole pregnancy. It’s as if my 2 year old was more understanding that most adults in this situation. To those of you ladies suffering from HG I’m here to let you know that it is very hard and unfortunately a very depressing time in your life, when it’s supposed to be one of the happiest BUT ladies the day you meet your baby and look into their eyes for the first time I promise you, it is worth it. It is soooo worth it and I bet you’d do it all over again for that beautiful baby. Stay strong. You’re capable of anything. You’re a WOMAN! 💪🏼💗